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Leaning into Optimism
From mounting layoffs to homeschooling while working from home, women across the country are facing unprecedented challenges. In trying times, it’s important to acknowledge that happiness can be a choice and not just the result of your circumstances, explains Girl Scout alum Dr. Deepika Chopra, the Optimism Doctor® and founder of the brand Things Are Looking Up™.
“I always like to share that I am not the most optimistic person. Optimism is a muscle, and I am just like everybody else in that I have to exercise that muscle,” Deepika says. “It doesn’t come naturally for so many of us.”
One distinction that Deepika believes is critical, especially in this era of social media slogans, is differentiating between optimism and what has become known as “toxic positivity,” an insincere notion of positivity.
You can find many examples of toxic positivity on Instagram and Facebook, where slogan-filled graphics declare “Good Vibes Only,” for example. This is not the attitude you want to take, Deepika points out, when communicating with people in your life who may be struggling.
“It comes from our own discomfort with other people’s emotions,” she explains. “Instead [of treating people with toxic positivity], you want a sincere, kind response in which you validate others’ emotions and offer hope.
“Someone who is optimistic is not someone who is devoid of reality,” Deepika notes. “A true optimist sees setbacks, roadblocks, and less-than-ideal situations—they don’t ignore them. But they see them as temporary and something they can overcome.”
One goal in responding to those you care about when they are in pain, she adds, is to normalize the full range of human emotions.
“Someone who is optimistic can hold onto the anger, the sadness, and the frustration but at the same time hold on to hope. It’s detrimental to encourage people to be positive all the time.”
Accepting that life comes with challenges that can be uncomfortable and even overwhelming is integral to looking at the world optimistically, Deepika believes.
“If we set it up as ... abnormal to feel stress or frustration or grief, then we are setting ourselves up for failure, because as humans we are made to feel those things.”
For those who are struggling after a year full of challenges, Deepika suggests facing your emotions head-on.
“Chronic stress is not good for us, and we talk about it as though it is a big bad wolf that’s going to catch us,” she laughs. “But a lot of times we can look at that stress and reframe it by asking: ‘What is this stress trying to tell me?’”
Deepika suggests treating yourself with compassion and exploring what you can learn from the stress. “Sometimes the stress is telling you to reach out to a loved one for support, or to ask for help, or to take a break,” Deepika explains.
She describes the past year as a “collective period of trauma for everyone around the world” and admits that it has been tough for her, too.
“I have a six-month-old and a four-year-old. I work full-time from home and my husband also works from home. We’re trying to manage being preschool teachers. And there is so much invisible work—whether that is the emotional stuff, which kids are more likely to come to women for, or groceries.”
So how is she working to combat that stress?
“I am very protective of my sleep, and I make nonnegotiable that I have a hot shower every day. But that’s not my ‘me’ time.
“I have these three things I do in a day and they each take less than a minute. If I can have those three, I feel like I took charge of my day,” she shares, adding that everyone should find their own practices that don’t take much time but provide joy.
“The first thing I do when I get out of bed [is] I dance, even if it’s only half a song. The second is that I recite the mantra that my sister taught me when I was little while I wash my face. And the third is that I always read a ‘Things Are Looking Up’ card.”
The Things Are Looking Up deck of 52 cards is a product that Deepika created. Each card has a prompt designed to help you shift your thoughts.
Deepika does everything she can to encourage optimism and authenticity in her life. So how does she handle it when she’s the one struggling and someone is addressing her distress with toxic positivity?
“Whenever I am feeling anything less than ‘I’ve got this,’ I find that my own family members—who have the best of intentions—respond with ‘You’re the optimism doctor! How can you be down?’” she says.
“I try to have an honest conversation. I’m human and I know that I am supposed to feel these feelings. I work hard to be honest with the people it’s worth it to educate,” she says, adding that strangers and people you meet on social media are probably not worth the effort.
“What we get wrong is when someone comes to us with grief or frustration, they’re—most of the time—not looking for you to solve it. They’re looking for a safe space to be raw and vulnerable. Oftentimes the best way you can respond is just by being empathic and listening.”
Unsurprisingly, Deepika believes that the challenges of the last year have an upside—for all of us.
“We’ve had to surpass limits we didn’t think we could pass. And where there’s trauma, there’s resiliency—we’ve all grown.”
